At a recent marriage retreat, the speaker stated “if you do not have conflict in marriage, what is the other person there for?” This statement caused Vicki and I to look at each other at the truthfulness of the statement. Conflict in marriage is the means God chooses to make YOU aware of YOUR shortcomings so the Holy Spirit can do his work. Conflict is comes about when MY agenda, MY rights, MY desires are not met from the other person. If you sat back and looked at all the “righteous disagreements” I can see how what I wanted or thought should have been done was really just my opinion. God took two different people and brings them together for the pursuit of biblical relationships.
In counseling, people will tell me “God brought this person in my life!”, but years down the road they are wondering what happened to that wonderful spouse. Perhaps, a cautious look at OURSELVES will point to the areas we need to adjust. Power, position, and prestige are areas we struggle to find in our life. Yet, our partner has a different agenda and they never are the same. For him–sex. For her–affection. Why did God make it so difficult? Its not–we just make it so.
The next time we have conflict in our marriages or relationships, ask yourself this, “What kind of change do I need to make in my life to make this work?”